Anxious. That probably sums it up. Well, not entirely. I’ve
always been one to keep my thoughts and emotions to myself and had this
perception of myself as not being able to put it into words. I still feel like
this is very much the truth, however to my surprise was awarded an honorable
mention for an essay I wrote about my feelings toward photography in a
literature contest last week. I arrived to the auditorium with my heart already
pounding (I didn’t know which place I received for my piece) as I was terrified
by the idea of me spewing out my feelings towards something I love in front of
so many people. Luckily and regretfully I won an honorable mention which
entitled me the privilege of receiving the recognition but keeping my feelings
a little more private (which gave me great joy). I wasn’t like this when I was younger,
when I was younger I would spring up in the midst of class and speak out,
volunteer and just be more jovial about public speaking. Nonetheless, I did
enjoy myself at the event as we watched the university “tuna” perform
wonderfully and we were graced by various professors talking about their
experience in literature. For me it was great to see the winners of each of the
three categories pouring part of themselves onto their writing, they were truly
wonderful and very inspirational to hear as they leave you longing to be able
to find that deeper connection to what you love and feel. Lastly, the most
inspiring moment was when one of the essay winners spoke about how winning this
meant so much to her, being in a correctional facility, she was happy to be
able to express herself and speak about what she experienced, what she felt and be recognized for it.
Dude I understand completely, I was terrified when I was called up and actually very thankful that I just got Honorable Mention because If I was THAT nervous when I just had to go up and grab the certificate I can't imagine how I would have been if I had had to go up to READ a part if my essay. I empathize completely with your sentiments on getting up on stage and I believe that a lot of us were like that when we were younger, more outgoing and willing to speak up but as you grow up there is always going to be a little bit of bullying or people telling you what you wrote/write sucks and that you should stop. Even if we don't let it get to us the seed of doubt has been planted and it ends up making us nervous when the time comes to actually present something you worked on. It'll take time to unlearn that, to remove that weed poisoning the garden of your mind, I'm still in that process myself.
ReplyDeleteHuh, did not know you were afraid of such things. You don't give that reserved feeling at all. Nonetheless, one those tend to become sheepish when having to speak about personal affairs, ideas and opinions because one can feel very vulnerable especially in front of so many people. I can definitely relate since I've always been a very shy, quiet and reserved person, and I get very anxious around other people, the more the worse it gets. The tuna was surely something to see, very curious. Seeing that lady talk about her work with such emotion was very interesting, makes one curious about what prison life is really like. Nonetheless, congrats on your win.
ReplyDeleteAnxious is a very good word to describe that day, I guess it’s because you didn’t plan for it and it all happened so suddenly. It’s completely normal to feel like that. I agree with you in that I feel that when I was younger my public speaking habits were right on point instead of now that I’m older I get more nervous and just don’t want to deal with it. I guess the best way to take that scare is just to get on that podium and speak up. Congratulations, by the way on your honorable mention!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your recognition! I agree with Yadiel, you do not give the impression that you are afraid of such things. You seem like a a good public speaker, but I understand feeling anxious or nervous as I hate having to speak publicly myself. I am glad that you had fun and enjoyed the whole activity. It was cool seeing all the students get recognized for their literary creations.
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